SO you didn't win the Toto $10 million Hongbao draw.

You know how I know you didn't win the $10 million? Because you're here reading this column instead of out celebrating with hookers and booze.

Not that you couldn't read this column and celebrate with hookers and booze at the same time, but you have only two hands.

So you have to give up the hookers or the booze. Personally, I would give up this column.

Anyway, as I was saying, so you lost whatever sum you spent on the lottery tickets - in addition to the time you invested in queuing to buy the tickets from your 'lucky' outlet. Time is money after all.

Your dream of quitting your dead-end job and not having to sleep with your boss again to get an increment is dashed.

So is your dream of opening your own restaurant specialising exclusively in dishes made from canned luncheon meat.

As well as your dream of bribing all four members of Abba to reunite so that you can finally watch them perform Dancing Queen live before you (or they) die.

And also your dream of not having to write this column any more.

So what does Singapore Pools, which runs Toto, do?

Last week, it announced a new programme to help the big winners manage their windfall.

Say what? Help the winners? Shouldn't Singapore Pools be helping the losers?

Because once you've won a couple of million bucks, I think it's fair to say you won't be short of ideas and advice on how to spend it. Hey, that Ferrari looks pretty nice.

The Singapore Pools CEO said: 'There are enough real-life cases overseas of major lottery winners losing all their winnings and ending up broke and depressed because they did not have proper financial advice on how to manage their wealth.'

What about those of us who lost all our money betting on Toto and ended up broke and depressed because we didn't get proper financial advice on how to manage our lack of wealth?

We're so desperate and self-deluded that we'll blow whatever cash we have left on next year's Hongbao draw too.

I'm changing the date on my resignation letter to February 2011. Get the hookers and booze ready.

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