Sharing stories, overcoming struggles

Even though she was not overweight, then-secondary four student Xu Kaijing faced peer pressure to become thinner three years ago.

Her efforts to lose weight became an obsession that spiralled out of control.

She stopped meeting friends over meals, and her relationships, even with family members, became strained.

The National University of Singapore undergraduate told The New Paper: "Every second I was thinking how much I can eat... Even to order simple meals, my hands would shake."

She struggled with anorexia for two years before working on her recovery, and now runs a support group to help others with eating disorders.

More people seem to be attending such peer support groups in recent years.

A support group for sexual assault survivors launched this year by The Association of Women for Action and Research (Aware) has received overwhelming response, said Ms Laika Jumabhoy, senior case manager at the Sexual Assault Care Centre.

Run by Ms Jumabhoy, it meets every other week and uses drawing and writing to facilitate the sharing and exploration of experiences.

She said: "There is a unique power to women coming together in a safe and nurturing environment to share their stories, struggles and create new meaning of their experiences."

Dr Choo Bok Ai, from the National University Cancer Institute, said there has been an annual increase of about 10 per cent in the number of people attending its activities. These include informal sharing sessions and befrienders' programmes, where cancer survivors meet newly-diagnosed patients.

The Singapore General Hospital's Eating Disorders Programme, started in 2003, registered a more than four-fold increase in its number of patients in 12 years. It had 170 new patients in 2015.

DISCOURAGING

Jurong GRC MP Tan Wu Meng, a member of the Government Parliamentary Committee for Social and Family Development and an oncology specialist, said that for someone going through a difficult time, it can be discouraging to feel alone.

"This can happen more often in conditions which are rare, or when people feel afraid to talk due to misunderstanding or social stigma," said Dr Tan, who has seen how a peer could help another with recovery.

He recounted that as a junior doctor more than a decade ago, he saw how a young amputee found hope and the will to live after meeting a fellow amputee who led an active lifestyle.

For Ms Xu, 19, knowing how hard it was to battle anorexia on her own led her to set up the social enterprise Tailor(ed). She said: "Every decision (about food) I had to make was like pushing against a wall...

"That's my main motivation, that others with the condition would not have to walk this difficult path of self-recovery alone."

Through private sharing sessions and public workshops, Tailor(ed) aims to help those with eating disorders such as anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa and bingeing.

It was set up in August last year and has held eight sessions so far, where participants create art together as a form of therapy. Tailor(ed) also works with mental health organisations like Silver Ribbon, Over The Rainbow and Chat to ensure the help they provide is useful.

NUS undergraduate Celeste Yim, 19, a former anorexic and now a volunteer with Tailor(ed), said that one of her frustrations when she was recovering was having to visit the uniform store multiple times.

She had at least five sizes of uniform when she started to eat more in junior college.

"Many of my friends and relatives thought I was being difficult, or that it was teenage angst," she said.

"They didn't know that every single bite of food I took, there would be a thousand voices in my head telling me I was worthless."

She added: "One big stereotype that we hope to change is that all sufferers of eating disorders are stick thin. Instead, it can happen to anyone, regardless of weight, age or gender."

MEDICAL ASSISTANCE

Dr Munidasa Winslow, a psychiatrist in private practice, said that while support groups help participants learn coping strategies and techniques from others who have faced similar challenges, medical professionals still have a role to play.

"They will assess the severity of the case, refer to other specialists if necessary, and may be able to assist with some of the symptoms that arise from cases of severe distress."

And one person who knows that well is Ms Siti Habibah, 40. When she had her second child four years ago, she was shocked to see that half of the prematurely born boy's flesh was exposed, without skin.

"He was so tiny, so fragile, we were afraid to touch him for fear of hurting him," she said.

Her son, Nur Izzuddin Jamaludin, was born at 35 weeks and weighed less than 1.3kg.

He was diagnosed with a condition known as bullous congenital ichthyosiform erythroderma (Bcie), after a biopsy.

Ms Siti went to the library, looked up YouTube videos and borrowed books from doctors to find out more about it.

She is now the vice-president of the Rare Skin Conditions Society, set up in October last year to raise awareness about such conditions.

The group has about 20 members, including caregivers and patients facing conditions such as Netherton Syndrome and urticaria pigmentosa.

Ms Siti even turned Izzuddin's room into an intensive care unit when he was younger.

Visitors had to adhere to a seven-step instruction routine, adapted from a hospital's intensive care unit, to carry Izzuddin, or five steps to see him in his bed through a mosquito net.

These steps included having to wear a surgical gown, tying up loose hair, removing all jewellery, and washing hands.

While Izzuddin's condition is not infectious, patches of his skin remain exposed, making him more vulnerable to infections and dehydration.

Ms Siti said: "We hope to support parents and caregivers, and educate society that such conditions are not contagious."

INFORMAL

Some have also started reaching out to others in more informal ways.

While housewife Rosmin's then-10-month-old son was in her sister's care in March last year, he accidentally pulled on a kettle wire in the kitchen and hot water scalded him.

Muhammad Azhar, now two, suffered 25 per cent second-degree burns on his head, face, body and legs and was in intensive care for two weeks.

His mother, who wanted to be known only as Rosminhad never seen a burnt child before.

She said: "I could not sleep and cried all night."

One of her Facebook friends asked Ms Rosmin, 24, to speak to Madam Masshitah Abdullah, 33, whose son was scalded by hot oil three years ago.

She has counselled more than 10 mothers such as Ms Rosmin, mainly via Facebook.

Madam Masshitah, who runs her own business, said: "One important thing I tell the mothers is to also take care of their child's psychological well-being, because I failed on that part. I concentrated on my son's skin but I forgot about the emotional impact on him."

Ms Rosmin said: "After hearing what Masshitah said, it really motivated me to be strong for my son.

"I'm very thankful to her for being able to empathise with me, having gone through something similar before, and hope to meet her one day."